How To: MAKE FRIENDS

The easiest way to make heaps of friends is to carry a novelty-sized (but 100% natural) fruit or vegetable down Oxford Street.

What is a Cheongsam?

This is a Cheongsam.

I been going through a vintage cheongsam online shopping phase lately, and can't even tell you how many times I've come across some white gurrrl ebay/etsy seller modeling a cheongsam n labeled it "geisha style" "kimono" or whatever. Yeah babes if you dunno what it is just call it "asian" or "oriental", I know we all look the same.... but hopefully this may help?

Cheongsam is basically what y'all ended up calling the modern version of a qipao. Qipao is a the chinese dress worn by the Manchu people, during the Manchu ruling Qing Dynasty since majority population were still Han Chinese, it was made the law that everyone wore the qipao instead of Han dress, and men had to have half their heads shaved with the long plat or you'd pretty much have you're head chopped off. Traditionally the qipao was baggy and loose fitted, during foreign rule period in 1920's Shanghai the qipao was made modernised to suit the night club scene aka the high class whores, opium heads, and gamblers. Slimmer fitting sleeveless and high side slits, in more modern materials.
the traditional qipao

And well, a Kimono is Japanese. I'm not gonna lie, it looks kinda like the old Han dress in it's wrap around style... I'm not even gonna go into that it's way too confusing well cuz that's probably where it came form thousands of years ago. Although no one Japanese would want to admit that.

 Cheongsam

Kimono

Ziyi Zhang same bitch different dress

Cheongsam

Kimono

Girl on girl

 Cheongsam

Kimono

I might watch In the Mood for Love in repeat tmw, that or take in new cheongsam I bought so I can wear it. Oh and who else hated Ziyi Zhang in memoirs of a geisha? Ewww....

DIY: how to SEXY

We're on a bit of a DIY binge.

Today I'd like to teach you how to be sexy in da club. These moves have been trailed and tested with a high 99.9999% success rate. Done correctly can lead you to all sort of trouble... you may or may not wanna get into.
Oh yeah!

1. Get it did
You got your hair done and your nails done too, new outfit and you're in the shoes. That's what she said. Be practical with our dressing, you have to feel comfortable to look sexy. Constantly pulling down your body-con mini dress cuz your bum's showing, will make you look like the skank that you are... youcheapSupreslut! Alternative options, nice shorts, those high waisted lycra disco pants, dresses/skirts that don't show your bum. Don't be afraid to wear something outrageous, but at the same time try not to look like a drag queen? Like If you're gonna glitter don't sequin... If you're gonna crop top don't platform... that sort of thing.

these are pretty cool. leopard=sexy

2. Wear shoes you CAN walk in
Duh?! I'm just gonna put it out there cuz some people struggle to do this. Babes, stomping around like a dinosaur ain't hot... just sayin'.

3. Feel yourself
Feel it in your bones, in between your thighs, underneath your fingernails. Ya feel me? NO, you're not suppose to feel ME I want you to feel yourself! Touch yourself if that helps... ummmm... not like that.... try that I'm so hot right now gotta wipe the sweat off of my forehead with the back of my hand move, or the really intentional accidental oops my finger somehow fell in my mouth so I'm gonna bite it move.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm in a Prince video.. other times I just pretend I'm Prince.

4. Check up on it
There's nothing like dancing in front of a mirror. Check yourself out you sexy piece of ass! You can be your very own HOT dance partner!And my favorite thing about dancing in front of a mirror is multiply viewing angles! Honestly it's pretty great, if your facing the font with your back faced to the mirror everyone can see your backside refection.. and vice versa. half the effort double the FUN!

5. Whip your hair back and forth
Side to side... and whip it in circles. Too often I've woken up the next day to FUCK MY NECK HURTS???!!! Then I remember how sexy I was last night, totes worth it...... maybe... blame Willow...

This is really wrong. look what you've done Willow! girl in silver shorts.. is your neck okay? poor kids musta hurt a lot the next day...

6. Strut around like you run the world
Be Beyonce.

7. Get low
Yes! Bend those knees, drop it like it hot bitch. You should almost never be standing up right whilst being sexy. Exactly how low can you go? Luda might ask, I would say as low as you're comfortable with, you don't wanna break anything. Stretching and proper warm up would be ideal, if you feel your thigh muscles tense and getting a bit of work out you are doing this correctly! When the right opportunity arises always GO FOR IT, get on all fours and do the wine on the floor. Loads of long term benefits that come with getting low, toned legs, tight buns, dinner dates, marriage proposals etc... and according to physic studies music sounds better the lower you get.

8. Party like it's your birthday
They'll like you want you like they love pie. Everyone will come give you a hug.
<3

9. Clap your hands
If your sexy and you know it clap your hands. ::x xxx x:: If you're sexy and you know it clap your hand. ::x xxx xx:: If you're sexy and you know it and you really wanna show it, if you're sexy and you know it CLAP YOUR HANDS! ::x xxx xxx::
When in doubt, clap anyway. I know sometimes you're not quite sure if you are sexy, but if you do this and everyone else sees you doing it, they'll automatically think you're sexy. When other people think you're sexy, you'll will feel sexy and BE sexy. It's really important that you clap on the right beat, I suggest practicing this to the video just to be prepared cuz off beat clapping is not sexy.

Now you are SEXY!! Don't complain if you end up getting too much unwanted attention.
Actually that would be incredibly irresponsible of me... So, I guess I will do a post on how to shut sleazebags down. I got moves that will scare away even the most confident of confident drunk idiots!

xx

DIY: colouring in book

Step 1:
Draw a bunch of shit using black pen on white paper.
Step 2:
You're done! Nice work, now colour those bitches in.

DIY: collages

HEY!

I'm really good at making collages of people that I haven't met yet, so I'm going to give you a step by step guide to making your very own collage of your favourite person.

Step 1.
Source your images.
Type the name of your favourite person into www.google.com/images and make sure safe search is off. Hopefully your favourite person will have some kind of online presence, if not take sneaky pix of them when they aren't looking.

I like to call this one "DipJo"

Step 2.
Save 'em.
Save the best images of your favourite person to your desktop.

Step3.
Open your image altering program of choice.
Ideally you will have Photoshop installed on your computer, but never fear in desperate times I have resorted to using MS Paint. Paint works ok, but it seriously limits your ability to use rainbow filters, layers etc.
This collage is of my very special friend Anthony (this was made using MS Paint and a whole lot of love)

Step 4.
Cut it out.
Use the lasso tool that takes your fancy to cut out the face of your favourite person. If your favourite person has a hot bod cut that out too. Now paste (ctrl+v) the various images of your favourite person into the one document.

Step 5.
Make your fantasy reality.
have you ever dreamed that your favourite person was realyl buff or making sweet sweet love to you or was a super cute panda? WITH PHOTOSHOP YOU CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN! So take advantage of this.

Step 6.
Arrange and decorate!
This is the fun bit, where you get to show your artistic flair and capture all that creativity that is just oozing from your pores. Make it look good, add flowers, hearts, rainbows as you see fit. Remember ctrl+c and ctrl+v are your friends.

Step 7.
SAVE IT!
Don't forget to save your work. I have heard this phrase way too many times but it's true. Save your file with a name like "ipromiseimnotbeingcreepy001.jpg" that way if you send it to your favourite person they will know for sure that you aren't creepy.

This collage is of the super cool designer Gary Bigeni. I'd like to be his best friend.

Step 8.
Congrats! You've made your first collage...I'm so proud.

Turtlenecks & Friends

black turtlenecks and babes

(and other colours)

I am aware it's now spring. And well the weather been shight lately, rainy/cold/windy weather is awful. But let me put it this way, quit hating and let's see this as an opportunity to look heaps SUAVE in a black turtleneck.

Bob Dylan

Coolest of all cats. I don't think turtlenecks would be where they are today without Bob. Thanks Bob for everything.

Prince

Ummmm.. I wouldn't really attempt the cut away shoulder look unless you are Prince, and you are NOT! So don't do it, maybe if you are going to Sleezeball or Glitterball or a casual weekday night hangout at the Stonewall.. maybe still avoid it?

Stevie Wonder

Rocking high necks from the 70's 'til infinity... daymn! don't you just wish he could see how hot he looked? I wonder who his stylist is... true believer of turtlenecks! Good work!

oh and baby MJ in white TN

40 years later still stylin'!

Diplo

This makes it kinda contradictory. Would you rather him wearing a turtleneck or not wearing one? See, told you it was hard. But I think I've come up with the best possibly solution.

A: Wearing a turtleneck then taking it off...

Steve Jobs

If your checking this on your iPhone, this iSh for you! Rep-ing the geeks, he is pretty cool just saying.

It's really is for everyone!

Lenny Kravtiz might have been changeling Stevie's style, American Woman video made it sorta a thing for him. Might just add how disturbing Heather Graham is in that mesh tank top low rise boot cut pants >_<. You can do black Turtleneck pant-less style like JT and B. Or my fav, Italian mafia gangsta look black turtleneck and twill suit jacket, Robert de Niro works the Al-dente pasta steeze. machine gunz in violin cases!

Audrey Hepburn

Funny Face. American trying to be French, it works. Simple, classic, iconic.

If you're looking for a Summer alternative for this look, American Apparel have got u covered in 8 colours, a stripe and a lace. None will cover your bellybutton, but that's okay coz your neck is covered.

What I'm really tryna say is, you can look nice even when you have a cold and wanna keep your neck warm.

xx

Top 10 booty ass rap videos

Hello Monday! What a drag.... now I dare you to watch this top 10 list at work.

Dirty version of EVERYTHING. Warning, so many things I should probably warn you about like how much you might wanna shake ya ass and watch yourself to these rap jams.. NOW SHOW ME WHAT YA WORKIN WITH!

#10 Snoop Dogg ft Justin Timberlake - Signs

I like not so big butts and I cannot lie. If you like awkward model booty up the skirt shots this ones for you. We don't judge?

#9 Dr Dre - Still Dre

Some real gangsta shit. Oh best automobile booty combination 1:36, like my ride hrrrmmmm hrmmmmm?

#8

Domestic booty, and Pharrell getting creepy. I bet she know he was watching...

#7

Easily one of the worst songs out. If only Nicki Minaj had more booty in her videos life would be good. Sorry Lady, i know you be representing us females right here, but you need to get that hair extension situation sorted out gurl.

#6

high cut one piece + bandana. saxophone on the beach.... SEXY

This is your summer pool party dream come true.

#5 we have a tie

Luda vs Chingy

They pretty much have the same thing going on, one in a pimp van the other at the pussy poppin national championships. look, I'm sure they happen all the time.. 

Chingy ft Lil Flip - Balla Baby

Ludacris - Pussy  Poppin

#4 Flo Rida - Turn Around (5, 4, 3, 2, 1)

Brazilian samba booty!!! lots of it that have matching cute faces...

Is there some sort of ratio, the more booty the dumber the rapping gets? Just to be fair I reckon anyone would be pretty distracted if there was that much booty up in your face, and that somehow may effect you rhyming

#3 Sisqo - Thong Song

need say no more

#2 Nelly - Tip Drill

purely based on quantity (and maybe that 3 way girl on girl on girl bathtub thing, if u call it a thing) I'm pretty sure this is closest you can get to porn in a film clip.

"I say that must be yo arse cuz it ain't yo face".... face? arse? Gets confusing sometimes, ain't easy being Nelly. 

#1 goes to the ultimate classic

Sir Mix-A-Lot - I like big butts

I'm not lying, that's why I did this post.

This one didn't quite make the cut, but it's got lots of hot bitches in it. Exception of elevator chic 1:26 could possibly be a man? But gold bikini babe at 2:11 makes up for it straight away, and you almost forget about manbitch 1:26 being taller then Lloyd. And well somehow had to get Fiddy in on this post, so there he is 2:21 have you lost weight? Oh you missed him? That's ok, he appears again 2:36.... and said something. what u say? we getting loose in this mofo, light the roof on fire.. fire.. fire....

Feel like you just been to a strip club n paid 10 strippers to give you lapdances.. except it all happened right here FOR FREE!

xx

coming soon.........

fireworks! amaze ballz! blow your mind.... and some ugly jokes....